Ending Sibling Rivalry

The following is an article submitted to Ezine and can be found by using the keyword: sibling rivalry or my name. Go to >http://www.ezine.com<.


The squabbles that young children engage in with their siblings are actually beneficial when the siblings also have the opportunity to recover from them. On their own, children will usually get distracted in the next activity and the squabble is temporarily ended only to break out a little while later. Eventually, fun activities that require cooperation overcome the dissension, but do not overcome the hurt feelings, which can linger for a long time. Children seldom find ways to overcome the hurt, especially if the insults are strong enough or frequent enough to be damaging to the child’s self-esteem.
Whenever there is discord between family members, people involved feel both angry and sad for the loss of connection. The same is true for young children. One way to help them recover is to have them sit facing each other and instruct them to take turns saying 5 nice things to each other. Research has shown that even in marriages, if the nice things outnumber the fights, even when fights are intense, the couple survives in a healthy way. By having the children do this, they are actually getting in touch with the part of them that cares about their sibling and, because the children alternate saying the five things, they also hear how special they are to their sibling. Thus it teaches children a way to heal relationships after the inevitable differences that will arise in the future. Expect their attempts at saying nice things will be weak at first as the child learns this new behavior. Although it is best to allow them to have this moment to themselves, at first the child may need some guidance to keep sarcasm out of it. A very young child, age 3-4, may need some prompts at first to come up with five things to say. Having the ability to recover when relationships are disrupted is one component of emotional intelligence.
More information on child development by Dr. Petersen can be found at >http://www.toyconnex.com